Thursday, 6 December 2018

overcoming my fear of escalators

here's something most people laugh at, i'm scared of escalators




or atleast, i was. okay maybe i still am a little bit, but i'm over it i swear. there's still that litttttle teeny tiny part of my mind that is like WHAT ON EARTH ARE YOU DOING YOU ARE SCARED OF THIS EXPERIENCE but i push her down and remind her it's just some moving blummin stairs.

i've been scared my entire life, possibly in part due to the fact there is one single escalator in my home town in lincolnshire, which is an 'up' one - and no down. i must've been 8 or 9 before i finally experienced a 'down', with a family member who was not cool with my hesitation and thought the fear was funny, i remember being scared out of my skin the entire time and cried when i got home. 

i never decided to denounce them from my life or anything, i didn't state: FROM TODAY FORTH I SHALL NOT USE AN ESCALATOR. i always wanted to get over it, but living where i grew up, how was i meant to?

i saw the odd escalator on my infrequent trips out, i knew there were escalators in the shopping centre in lincoln, which i went to a couple of times a year, but every time i opted to use the lift or stairs instead. any time someone forced me to go on one, i was overcome with fear, started crying, panicking, sometimes screaming. it was extremely embarassing for myself and for anyone who was with me, i always felt ashamed that i was scared of something that some people think is an every day occurance. people who use public transport for example might use 4 escalators a day and not bat an eyelid.

i didn't experience my first london underground tube until i was about 15, of which i thought was the most distressing experience of my life, i had no idea they were so large, so busy, there were rules about which side to stand on. it was too much. i remember feeling trapped in a tube station with the escalator being the only way back out and having to ask a security guard for help. they ended up stopping the escalator completely, cordoning it off, and letting me walk up it like stairs (which by the way, was still friggin scary). 

my boyfriend has always been super supportive in helping me overcome it, he knows i want more than anything just to be able to travel and use shopping centres without having a melt down, we've practiced so many, starting from small ones in shops, to slightly bigger ones in shopping centres, to some in airports, i only recently conquered the ones in the birmingham bull ring after living here for almost three years. i learnt a lot about exposure therapy on a CBT course i undertook after being referred by my GP, as my anxiety about leaving the house increased following my diagnosis with IBS.  

and last weekend came the biggie. my boyfriend booked us a lovely trip to london. and i cried and cried the week before we went, i knew i needed to get over it, and i knew i wanted to enjoy the trip he'd booked us, but i was shaking with fear at the thought of it. 

but i did it. yeah, i was scared, but the biggest thing i've learned about anxiety recently is to FEEL THE FEAR AND DO IT ANYWAY.

my heart was racing, my head was buzzing, my palms were sweating. and here's what i did:

i used one of my favourite breathing exercises, you breath in through your nose for 4 counts, then hold the breath for 4 counts, then breathe out through your mouth for 6 counts. 
(i'd always dismissed breathing exercises as a load of rubbish but listen, try it)

i remembered that i control my own thoughts, so i tried to replace all the horrible thoughts with other stuff, like about the pizza i was on my way to get. 

i noticed what was going on in my body. i took note of what was going on, i noted my sweaty palms and short breath. and i thought 'yeah, that's okay'. 

and instead of giving in to the physical symptoms, i concentrated on my mind, and my breathing, and before you knew it, i was at the bottom of the escalator. completely harm and panic free.

and i can't even count how many i did this weekend, because eventually i stopped getting the physical symptoms, and just started going with the experience. and by monday, i'd forgotten why i was ever scared.

lizzie x 

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Sunday, 25 November 2018

saying no to blogmas

dear friends, 

i have ummed and ahhed all blummin month about doing blogmas this year.


everyone seems to be doing it. and even those who can't do the full 24 days are still offering up 12! 

imagine, a blog post every day. i've probably not even written 24 this year!!
and i almooooost **almost** challenged myself to do it. i thought i could schedule half now and the other half would come to me before december. WELL I'M WRONG.

and why on earth would i put myself under that amount of stress!!

the thing with blogmas is, i could do it, anyone could. 

but should we?

24 days of content is a lot, and making sure all of it is 100% your best content surely can't be possible? 

i don't want to put myself on some kind of major high horse, and maybe if blogging was my full time gig it would be do-able, but for those of us will full-time lives i just can't see it being feasible. 

i worry about putting content out on my blog all the time, i worry about writing enough posts to be taken 'seriously'. but why?! 

i think i've realised something which it's taken me 20 years to conclude, that it really is quality over quantity. 

i'm a rusher, it's one of my worst traits. 2000 word essay? i'll write it all TONIGHT so it's over with. 

24 blog posts? NOW. 

CHRIST someone stop me!! 

i think it's safe to say, there will be no blogmas this year. and i'm trying to be okay with that. i'm still 'serious', i swear. 

yours sincerely,
'proper serious blogger' lizzie x

Sunday, 18 November 2018

not drinking at uni, alcohol and anxiety


going to uni is all about getting drunk and partying, right?


yeah, i guess that's how the media makes it out to any prospective freshers.


students drinking alcohol for blog post about alcohol effecting anxiety and mental health


for me, being a fresher was my first real experience with alcohol. because i have a fear of sick, i'd been cautious about what i drank in freshers week, sticking to one type of alcohol and secretly only having a tiny amount. i still felt drunk since my system wasn't used to it, and i spent most nights tired and wanting to come home but unable to admit that getting drunk wasn't appealing to me. i think i sort of made myself believe that i liked it, and i went out loads and started drinking more and more to fit in.

and i wont lie, some nights WERE fun. i DO have some good memories!

but the bad times are also still there. 

having anxiety is a little bit like having someone in your head 24/7 telling you you're not good enough. and everyone secretly hates you. and you know it's not right but you sometimes fall into its trappings. 

lots of people with anxiety use alcohol as a way of calming down that anxiety monster, pushing it aside for a night. 

for me, alcohol fuelled the little guy.

students drinking alcohol for blog post about alcohol effecting anxiety and mental health


all of a sudden, you shouldn't have gone out tonight, something bad's going to happen, you're going to make a fool of yourself, you look ugly, none of these people like you, what if the nightclub sets on fire, what if you start throwing up, what if you lose control of yourself and can't get home? WHAT IF WHAT IF WHAT IF?? (those are the monster's favourite words).

and all of a sudden the physical sensations come on too. like a little switch being clicked in your brain, like oop, she's ready now, best start shaking uncontrollably, don't forget to hyperventilate. 

it's taken me a LONG time to realise alcohol was fuelling it. and even if the nights had been okay, the following few days on the comedown were hell, i became irritable, nasty, tearful.

and i think it's time to stop making myself feel like this for the sake of 'fitting in'. 

this is not to say i'll never go out again or anything, i might, and i might not drink at all, or i might drink. but i'll be very cautious. i worked with my counsellor to learn when the thoughts start happening and how to respond quickly to any bubbling panic attacks, so i'm doing pretty good right now. 

and hopefully i'll continue doing good, maybe having a small drink with people i trust in situations i trust.

to anyone in the same position right now, feeling like they 'have' to go out, like they 'have' to drink, you don't, you really don't. it's not okay to feel that sort of pressure, and the media make it so much harder on new students these days. but 18-24s ARE drinking less than ever! because we're making informed choices about what alcohol does to our bodies and soooo importantly, our minds!

what are your thoughts on the pressure to drink alcohol at university?

lizzie x 

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Thursday, 15 November 2018

all the best advent calendars that won't break the bank

hi everyone!


i'm sure we've all seen some AMAZING niche advent calendars this year. but BLOOMING HELL they're all about £100?! these are not advent calendars made for the normal person on a budget, that's for sure. so i trawled the shops to find some that were.

haribo advent calendar - £5!
who wouldn't want this? i'm going to get it for my boyfriend since he's a haribo obsessive.

link here 

i haven't tried this, and it's a bit annoying you have to buy two. but it seems like a sweet advent calendar for those a bit more adult and not wanting chocolate every day!

link here



this one's a lil bit more expensive but you get a LOT in it. you get 24 products, so less than a quid each. this one is perfect for the beauty lovers.

link here




this one is super cute! i'd personally love to receive this advent calendar. you get 24 little bath bombs, one to use each day in the run up to christmas. perfectly relaxing and festive for this stressful time of year!

link here 






there's not many non-chocolate advent calendars out there that won't break the bank, but these are some good ones!! 

let me know in the comments, are you getting an advent calendar this year? 

lizzie x

**all prices correct as of 15/11/18** 


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Wednesday, 14 November 2018

christmas shopping with accessorize



hey guys, long time no chat. 
i was lucky enough to be invited to accessorize's christmas event last night with brum bloggers, and the place was decked out with all their best christmas stuff.

i put on my winter-chic outfit, which had me feeling all festive. i know it's all black, but that's my style, yano?

(if you're wondering, top is noisy may, the skirt is ASOS design, boots are from deichmann)





i literally never would have even known that accessorize sold christmas baubles?! but they do. and they're friggin GORGEOUS. who wouldn't want that unicorn hanging on their tree? 



and of course, they had the classic christmas earrings. my mum always likes to get a pair of these for christmas day. it only comes once a year!



they also had some of the coolest little bags (perfect size for going out), that were only £19 and then had 20% off on them - making them only £15.20! 
i mean, you'll need a new clutch this christmas season, right?



even outside the bullring was decked out in its christmas garms, ready for the arrival of birmingham christmas market this thursday. 

i met the loooooveliest girls last night! to be honest, i was a bit worried beforehand that no one would like me. i was a bit worried everyone would be mega serious bloggers with 1 mil followers and laugh at my teeny tiny blog. but in the end everyone was so nice and normal!! it's hard to remember that bloggers are normal sometimes, since they always look amazing and seem on top of everything. but they're real. and all the brumbloggers were so sweet.

i had such a lovely evening!!
will you be shopping at accessorize this christmas?
lizzie x 

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Thursday, 8 November 2018

clinique X bobbi brown event in john lewis sheffield

hi guys!!

so i thought i'd do a lil post today talking about one of the best afternoons i've had in a little while. i was invited through sheffield bloggers to attend a clinique X bobbi brown event in john lewis, which i was a little bit worried about since i'm a bit rubbish when it comes to makeup. i slap on the cheap stuff, yano. i'm hardly qualified to be talking clinique. 

i arrived a little early so i went for a cuppa in the john lewis cafe, so obvs i needed a wee afterwards (i have a v small bladder). and after i have my wee, i go to zip my jeans up, and the friggin ZIP BREAKS OFF. 

and i'm stood there, in a cubicle, knowing i had 5 minutes before i had to sign in for this bloggers event, knowing absolutely no one there, thinking christ. shall i go home? shall i buy some new jeans? course i can't bloody afford john lewis jeans! and i've only got five minutes! 

i mean, it wasn't exactly my lucky bloomin' day, but i was lucky enough that my jumper was massive enough to cover up my crotch area. but i did look like a bit of a melon in the world's largest jumper all day. and i was sweating my tatas off being unable to take off the cosiest jumper ever. 


here's me in the jumper BEFORE i became trapped in it.

but ANYWAY.

i still had a really lovely day. this was my first event with sheffield bloggers and i was a bit worried everyone would know everyone. but everyone was super friendly!! 

plus, the event started out with free prosecco so i was hardly going to say no to that. it soon got me calmed down...



the event started off with a skin-care routine from the amazing clinique ladies. i'm a bit rubbish with my skin, some days i don't even moisturise let alone cleanse, tone, clarify... what on earth. (i obviously didn't tell them that!!). 

the girls showed us how to use their amazing looking fresh pressed powder vitamin C booster which looked INCRED. i'd literally never seen a powder cleanser (you mix it with water, don't just shove the powder all over your face). they gifted us a few samples and i might have to get myself a full size asap. 


while we were there, i treated myself to their 'moisture surge hydrator' which i already LOVE. we talked about how with all the cold weather and alcohol we consume around christmas our skin really takes a beating, so we need a bit of this 'paracetomol for the skin' as they put it!



then the girls at bobbi brown took over to show us how the real party looks are done. the pallettes they showed us were to die for. and oh my GOD check out the sparkly highlighter packaging down below... hello top of everyone's christmas list?! 






overall, the day was really really lovely. i had to throw out my jeans and panic order the first pair i saw on ASOS (arriving tomorrow hollaaa next day deliv). but i met the loveliest bloggers! and saw the most gorrrrgeous products!

you win some you lose some!
this post is dedicated to my £12 primark mom jeans, only 1 year old (ancient in primark years). may you rest in peace.

lizzie x 
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Tuesday, 6 November 2018

easy student meals ~ halloumi and lentil bake


cooking as a student sucks. you have like no time and no money. your student house is dead cold and you just want a friggin' dominos. i hear you. 

but try this halloumi and lentil bake... 

~ ingredients ~
  • a red pepper and a yellow pepper
  • olive oil
  • 1 can of chopped tomatoes
  • 125g red lentils
  • 125g halloumi cheese
  • fresh parsley 

~ method ~

  • chop up the peppers into little chunks
  • pop them in a roasting tin with some olive oil and cook them for 10 minutes (on 200 degrees)
  • add a can of chopped tomatoes then cook for another 10 minutes
  • pop in the lentils 
  • slice up the halloumi and pop it in too, along with some fresh parsley
  • return to the oven for 10 more minutes 
  • et voila!
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candle lighter ~ https://amzn.to/2z09qUH