the 2018 home stretch



i'm actually like ... shook. and i hate that word but i think it's the most appropriate to describe the emotion i'm feeling right now.

i actually hadn't even realised it was practically november until i saw hannah witton's recent post about the 2018 home stretch and the goals she wanted to achieve before 2018 was over.

and i was like what?? over?? help. 

and i thought, gosh i need some goals for the end of 2018. i need to achieve something. i made a post earlier this year about how i'd totally failed all of my resolutions already, and i never made any more.

hannah's goals are quite good. like running 5k and reading 8 books. mine definitely aren't going to be that good. i'm pretty much drowning under a big pile of university dread that basically takes over my brain.

so i'm gonna make some small goals that will really incentivise me to reach them. cause i should be actually able to!!

  • read one book. this sounds really bloody easy but i actually haven't read a book since may. i am possibly the worst book lover ever. i just bought hank green's an absolutely remarkable thing and i've heard AMAZING reviews so i really do want to read it soon. i just have to get off my friggin phone all the time!! 
  • get my budget in order. last year i was super good at writing absolutely everything down, every penny. this year i'm tapping that contactless card like it's going out of fashion. i need to slow down and re-make my budget sheet and stick to it.
  • stay on track with university reading. every year without fail i get weeks behind on the reading and because everyone else does too i'm like eh, i'll catch up. and i DO, but like at the end of the year, when it's way more beneficial to read as you go. it's week 4 and i'm still on track. only 7 more to go. 
and i know these sound simple but come on guys, we only do have 2 months. there aren't any big crazy goals this time but this is about achieving what i actually want and need to achieve, not running a marathon for the sake of it. 

do you have any #2018homestretch resolutions?
lizzie x


No Friends Are Better Than Bad Friends

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Dear blog readers,

I was prompted to write this post when i saw a tweet about cutting out 'toxic' friends. I've refrained from using the word 'toxic' in my description of these kinds of friends, because, well, does anyone even know what this word means? it feels like it's being thrown around willy-nilly on my twitter feed. almost everyone's had 'toxic' thrown at them. 

I recently read huffpost's 'warning signs' of a toxic friend, and it all seems very vague to me. I mean, number 2 on the list is 'they're smart'. If that's enough of a warning sign I best not make friends with anyone at this russell group university. 

But for real. Whatever you want to call them, so many of us have had BAD friends. 

And to be honest, in my experience, it wasn't always their fault. i'll admit it, i'm a clingy friend. I post stupid memes in groupchats every day and I send snapchats of whatever I'm doing and DAMN, I must be hella annoying. Quite a lot of my 'bad' friendships included me forcing a friendship upon them and being pretty much ghosted.

But that's okay, no big loss. The real bad friends are the ones who act like your besties. 

And it's hard, I know. How can you possibly tell who's a real friend and who's not? 

But I think I've realised, your gut knows.

Even in school, I had so many friends that I had a gut feeling weren't good to me. Whether that was not saving me a seat in class, not adding me to groupchats, not inviting me to parties. But somehow I still kept making excuses for them, they're my friend, they wouldn't purposely leave me out.

I spent so much of my school life feeling 'left out'. It's probably why I still get this crazy FOMO if I miss an event or imagine my housemates snuggled up watching telly while I'm at work. 

Up until about now, I really thought feeling 'left out' was just a part of life. I thought secretly everyone felt like their friends hated them, and that I'd never be the sort of person who got invited to parties or saved a seat. 

But, it's sort of happened. When I look at my friends around me now, they could never do enough for me, if I shed a tear they're right there, if I need a chat they're there, I've never worried about being pushed out or purposefully ignored. 

And to be honest, I don't know how it happened besides I became okay with myself. 

I stopped trying to be someone I wasn't to fit in with the people I thought i should be friends with. I'd actually myself pushed a lot of people away in favour of other "friends".

I became okay with my own company. I began not feeling so sad when I was left on my own. I stopped wanting to find a friend to fill up every corner of myself I was scared of. 

And then somehow, the friends found me.
Sort of in the same way they say you find love when you stop looking.

lizzie. x


world mental health day

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hi everyone,

today is a special day. in a way. it's world mental health day. but for someone struggling with mental illness, it always sort of feels like world mental health day, maybe universe mental health day. 

i've been pretty honest on the blog lately. i've been getting real with struggling with anxiety and the added pressure of an illness on my little brain. 

this summer, i honestly got as low as i thought i could go. i thought about never going back to birmingham to finish my final year, i thought about staying inside snuggling my dog forever. 
and as much as i would looooove to give my dog a big snuggle and never let go, it's just not real. i realised i couldn't miss out on the world, i love travelling around the uk, i love going out with my friends, but my anxiety was stopping me even dare. 

i'd like to say that not every tactic works for everyone. but for me the thing that really got me out of a hole was exposure therapy. i worked on a step by step plan with my counsellor on how to work up from small car journeys (even they were freaking me out) to eventually taking long train journeys with several changes. it took a lot, and my body didn't like it, but i did it. the hours of anxious thoughts before stepping on a train now hardly even cross my mind. 

my point is, it really can get better. and it's super hard. and no, i'm not free from anxiety. and i'm still struggling in so many different ways. but i have hope. and i have so many good friends that don't mind talking about mental illness with me, who love and support me no matter what i'm going through, and without them i wouldn't be where i am now, i'd probably be somewhere in that hole still.

if you do anything to support world mental health day, message a friend and ask how they are, take them out for a coffee, let them open up to you, or just let them know you aren't ashamed to talk about mental illness, because no one should be.