Lizzie's Corner: You Don't Seem Like You Have Anxiety

Tuesday, 22 January 2019

You Don't Seem Like You Have Anxiety

Hello again gang,

Today i'm talking about something i've wanted to talk on the blog about for ages, but i didn't want to offend anyone. And now i'm thinking, why didn't i just write this post? It won't hurt! 

[Do i look like i have anxiety?]

A little while back, someone made a comment to me, about how i didn't seem like i had anxiety. and they found it hard to believe i have anxiety because of the things i do. The things they gave as examples were : having my own blog, starting my own university society, going to manchester alone for 2 weeks for work experience, going to different countries on holiday. 

And. It sort of crushed me a bit. Because i felt like a fake, i thought, maybe they're right! Maybe i am faking this whole anxiety thing. When you look objectively at what i've achieved, it IS hard to believe that i struggle daily with my head. 

Their comment is something that's stuck with me since. which, ironically, is a classic anxiety-move, to over think a little comment like that. Nonetheless, every time i felt vulnerable, or tried to explain to someone that maybe i didn't want to do something that day because i felt particularly nervous or that my brain was beating me up, i felt like a liar. 

But, i've been diagnosed. And i've had professional counselling, and cognitive behavioural therapy. And yet i still feel like a liar thanks to one little comment. Maybe i should've taken it as a compliment, that i'm good at hiding how scared i am of what i might say in almost every conversation i have. Maybe i should take up acting? but, for real, i probably would be too anxious to do that. 

I guess, the point i want to make here is that most people don't 'seem' or 'look' like they have anxiety, but you never know what's going on in someone's head, or how they act when no one's around, how they lay awake at night staring at the ceiling with their thoughts racing almost as fast as their heartbeat. 

I worry for days before anything big, i make myself ill, and i become agitated and angry, and i might well have a panic attack a couple hours before. But you best believe whatever the event you'll never know. And does that make me a liar? No. I don't think so anyway. It means that i'm struggling, but i'm trying to keep it under control. And i'm trying and trying every day. and sometimes it's easier and sometimes it's harder. but i'm learning.

lizzie 

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1 comment:

  1. Love this!!! I have anxiety too so when people say this I'm just like okkkaaay??? Great post!

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