Confidence: The Key to Life

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If I've learned one thing so far in 2019, it’s that confidence is the key to life.

I've always put myself down. I've always ended every sentence I say with 'I think' or 'I don't know', or something like that, the linguist in me would say that I always try to 'soften' the blow of my words, because I'm afraid of being assertive.

And it's true, I am afraid of being assertive. My body cringes up when I have to write an email to someone and my heart races a million miles an hour if my phone rings – extra points if it’s a number I don’t recognise.

But, I've been working on it. I lost a lot of confidence at the start of 2018, which is something I talked about a bit in my look back on 2018 post. I became physically ill, which came hand in hand with my anxiety becoming crazily hard to deal with. This was a major kick in the face after the amazing 2017 I’d had.

My confidence really shot up again towards the end of the year, I restarted my blog in September, not knowing that it would really go anywhere, but I've already gained so much. And I'm not talking money, although I have finally started making some money from my blog (which is CRAZY to me). Just being invited to blogger events, and meeting so many lovely blogger friends, has done me a whole world of good. Just last weekend, I attended an event that the beautiful Shannon Alexandra had set up for us, with Tamper Coffee and the Cupcake Kitchen in Sheffield. I learned a lot that day, and one of the main things I learned was that I need to have more confidence in myself and stop underselling myself.

One of the things that I've struggled with the most since restarting my blog is the niggling thoughts in the back of my mind that tell me that everyone I know in real life thinks I'm a fake, that all of my posts are being screenshotted by girls I knew at school who pick on my every word and laugh at my pictures. And you know what, it might be happening. My anxious brain for sure tells me that. But whether it is or not, why would it matter to me what people who don't like me think? 

I think this is one of the hardest parts about growing up. I need to get out of that secondary school mind-set where everyone is talking about each other behind their backs, because it just does not matter anymore. I have got to remember that I am an independent person now who doesn’t rely on the thoughts of other people to build myself up.

I’m really interested in what other bloggers might think of this. Do you worry about what people you used to know think? It seems to silly but yet it’s so difficult to me.



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