Why Do I Have A Blog?

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I feel like there should be a simple answer to this question, but there isn't.

In reality, my blog started when I was in year 11, and bored over the Christmas holidays. I probably should've been revising for my mocks or something, but I wanted somewhere to post my 'boxing day haul'. That post is long gone now, mainly because it was a load of crap. So many of my original posts have seen the same fate, because they were boring, and you could tell I had no business writing about nail varnish and stuff. 

My blog was never consistent, and no one ever read it, because I had no idea that people wouldn't just like, stumble upon my amazing website - which until last year was still an ugly blogspot domain. 

I started blogging on and off again about things I actually wanted to blog about, like finishing my first year of university, the truth about seeing your idol, and being stressed as a young person

There was always so much I wanted to share, but I felt like I couldn't. I touched on this a bit in a previous post about confidence, but even now I feel like I'm constantly being watched online. Which is probably a bit self-centred, because in reality no one really cares about little old me. But I still feel this presence of everyone I've ever met that made me feel small. I picture every bitchy girl I've ever encountered, and every boy that made me feel ugly and annoying. I imagine them all gathering round, screenshotting my posts into their groupchats, talking about how stupid and fake I am. 

Since I moved to university, and I realised the world doesn't revolve around those people I met in my hometown, posting got easier. But it never got easy. I posted my thoughts on finishing first year, but I didn't share it with anyone I knew. I didn't want anyone judging my writing. 

It's a bit twisted really. I didn't want anyone reading my writing, but I wanted to write. If I have something on my mind, or something to say, I want to get it down on paper. I want to press 'publish'. I suppose that's why I have a blog, because I have things that simply just get my fingers going. Which is a bit of a weird sentence, they don't get my fingers going in a weird way (ew). Sometimes I just start typing and I can't stop.

And this will make a lot of bloggers CRINGE, but I rarely proofread my work, and I don't read it back until a significant amount of time has passed. Having a blog is more of a release, and it lets me feel like I'm being me online, rather than being some instagram model - which trust me, I'm not. 

I've wanted to quit so many times, but one of the things that's stopped me is the friends that I've made. I meet SO many amazing people I never would have met if it weren't for blogging. I feel like I fit in in a way that I've never felt before. 

I suppose, I don't know why I have a blog. But I know why I haven't given up yet. 


1 comment

  1. Oh I resonate with this SO much. I hate reading my work back straightaway. Blogging, especially with my more personal posts, is my main source of offloading random thoughts. I've shared some of my posts with people I know, mostly the ones updating my living abroad experience. However, the thought of sharing my more personal or even my little trivial ones is terrifying!

    I'm not too sure where I'm going with my blog either girl haha so just know you're not alone on that front. It's always amazing connecting with other bloggers though! Keep writing!

    Evie x | www.eviejayne.co.uk