You Don't Seem Like You Have Anxiety

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Hello again gang,

Today i'm talking about something i've wanted to talk on the blog about for ages, but i didn't want to offend anyone. And now i'm thinking, why didn't i just write this post? It won't hurt! 

[Do i look like i have anxiety?]

A little while back, someone made a comment to me, about how i didn't seem like i had anxiety. and they found it hard to believe i have anxiety because of the things i do. The things they gave as examples were : having my own blog, starting my own university society, going to manchester alone for 2 weeks for work experience, going to different countries on holiday. 

And. It sort of crushed me a bit. Because i felt like a fake, i thought, maybe they're right! Maybe i am faking this whole anxiety thing. When you look objectively at what i've achieved, it IS hard to believe that i struggle daily with my head. 

Their comment is something that's stuck with me since. which, ironically, is a classic anxiety-move, to over think a little comment like that. Nonetheless, every time i felt vulnerable, or tried to explain to someone that maybe i didn't want to do something that day because i felt particularly nervous or that my brain was beating me up, i felt like a liar. 

But, i've been diagnosed. And i've had professional counselling, and cognitive behavioural therapy. And yet i still feel like a liar thanks to one little comment. Maybe i should've taken it as a compliment, that i'm good at hiding how scared i am of what i might say in almost every conversation i have. Maybe i should take up acting? but, for real, i probably would be too anxious to do that. 

I guess, the point i want to make here is that most people don't 'seem' or 'look' like they have anxiety, but you never know what's going on in someone's head, or how they act when no one's around, how they lay awake at night staring at the ceiling with their thoughts racing almost as fast as their heartbeat. 

I worry for days before anything big, i make myself ill, and i become agitated and angry, and i might well have a panic attack a couple hours before. But you best believe whatever the event you'll never know. And does that make me a liar? No. I don't think so anyway. It means that i'm struggling, but i'm trying to keep it under control. And i'm trying and trying every day. and sometimes it's easier and sometimes it's harder. but i'm learning.

lizzie 

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Thoughts On My Final Semester At University

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Hi gang,

It's me. Back again. Ready to ramble on for a bit again, and you're welcome to join.

So, uh, I just started my final semester at university. 

And you might think, but liz, don't you have a summer semester? I mean, no, because I do a degree course that doesn't have any final exams, which means all I have to do in summer is hand in work, which we do electronically, which means I'll be leaving birmingham at the end of this semester. 

And I thought I'd write this post when I first moved back, but it's actually been about a week since I came back after Christmas. It took a lot to get me back here, I had a bit of a wobble last week whilst my brain prepared itself for fending for myself. But now that i'm back, it's like I never left.

And it's also like I never left because I sort of never stopped working, I had a tonne of stuff to do over Christmas, making my Christmas 'break' possibly the most stressful 4 weeks of my life. I handed in 3 massive assignments this week, and there is no time for relaxing in third year, so I'm straight back in the library.

Third year kind of sucks, because you have so much to do, you never relax, then when you do relax you feel guilty. 

Until this point, I've dealt quite well with university stress. I plan out my days, my weeks, my semesters, and I give myself ample time to complete everything with a little bit of leeway for a break at the end. But this semester I don't have a clue what I'm doing, none of the assignments make sense and every conversation you have with a course mate is probably about how much you all want to cry. It's sort of a mood dampener.

So, I won't lie, I'm feeling very apprehensive.
But there's 10 more weeks until teaching ends, and I think about 16 until it's properly over. So, I just have to keep swimming I guess.

If you have any tips/tricks for lifting my mood they will be gratefully received!!

Until then,
lizzie

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Saving Money as a Student - No Meal Deals in 2019

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Today we're talking about something EVERY student asks about, how to save money


Did you know apparently the average office worker spends £2.83 every day on lunch?

I reckon i could top that at uni. 

So you live on your own, it's free reign. there's no one about to judge you for never taking a pack up. you go to tescos on your own, choose your £3 meal, then you eat it alone in the library. no one knows.

God, I'm starting to sound like a secret eater (have I ever mentioned that 'Secret Eaters' that used to be on Channel 4 is like, the best show ever?). 

You've not got to have a degree to know taking a pack up is cheaper than splurging on meal deals, subways and snacks every day - and i've almost blummin' got one. 

It's not even just food, I love a cup of tea so i get one - sometimes two - every day. and i tell myself, 'well they're only £1.50!'. But uh, when i get two a day, five days a week, that's £15 on tea. That I could get for free at home. 

So i am hailing the start of NO MEAL DEALS IN 2019. 

To be honest, I was getting sick of that tesco chicken and stuffing sandwich with mars bar and diet coke anyway. Yes - I'm that predictable. 

But i never plan lunch. then have to walk past tesco on my way in and think 'ooh!'.

WELL IT'S OVER TESCO. I'm dumping you. 
It's not me, it's you. 
I'm chopping my clubcard in half. 

That money could be better spent! On like, ASOS, or whatever.

So here's the plan.




My mum bought me this amazing travel cup * that you can fold down for easy handbag storage as one of my Christmas presents. It's MEGA cool. milk is free at uni anyway, and so is hot water. So i basically just need to stash teabags in my purse and i'll be well away. I might even have 3 cups a day if they're going free!



And here's the hard part. PACKED LUNCH. 

I've had an ongoing battle with packed lunch my entire life. I always used to force my sandwiches down in primary school so the dinner ladies would let me eat my mini rolls. In secondary school, i pretty much ditched lunch altogether in favour of a few biscuits throughout the day to stop me flagging.

By sixth form, I started to need lunch. mainly taking pasta or rice. But then some days ditching it if someone was driving us all to mcdonalds, or getting 2 chocolate bars from the vending machine if I was particularly stressed out (which is always, you know me).

You might be able to tell, I place a lot of weight on my mood. Unless i'm feeling super happy and content, I'll use any old excuse to ditch the lunch in favour of something sugary. 
And let's face it, I'm always stressed out when i'm at uni. I may, in fact, be stressed out for the rest of my life at this rate.

but i've scoured the net, and compiled this list of packed lunches that i'm going to try this year. the hot ones are going to be put in my AMAZING thermos food flask *, keeps food hot for ages, has a spoon inside it too. couldn't recommend it more. 

I'm really really really going to try to prepare lunch every day this year. No more treats. No more train station Cornish pasties - did you know I bought a pasty at Birmingham New Street station last week that cost me a fiver?! 
TESCOS SELL PASTIES FOR 39 PENCE. 

But uh, my intention is not just to buy 39p pasties and heat them up every morning before uni. I might - if I have to. That would still be sticking to my resolution. As this is more about money than any sort of 'health' or 'weight loss' scheme (although both would be welcome with open arms).

So here's the deal. When future lizzie wants to get herself a subway, she can come back to this post and i'm telling her NO. I'm leaving a list below of meals ideas I'm intending to make this semester to save me some sweet sweet cash. 

  • broccoli and pesto pasta
  • chicken and mushroom pasta
  • burrito bowl
  • spicy rice
  • chicken and bacon salad
  • mozzerella and tomato ciabatta
  • chilli con carne
  • turkey and avocado sandwich
  • ham salad pitta
  • hummus and pitta
  • soup and bread
  • noodles stir fry 
  • mixed bean salad
I will be doing an update post on this to see how I'm getting on and how i'm budgeting food!

lizzie x

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